How many times have you came across when those were the only times where you can say: I feel good? Oh yes, too many notions of good. Triumph, victory, success, bliss, love, joy, and also… desires, greed, revenge, lust… and many more in between the scale of righteousness and to the edge diabolical. But not for this moment I’m writing about. I mean typing.
It’s rather unusual to find myself typing this entry, when usually it’s writing. Pen and paper it is. Oh well either writing or typing, I’m still writing in my mind. And if I’m publishing my own book one day (which I really wish so, and working towards it!), it will still be in a world of types. Hand types, to digital types, and printed types.
So, what is this good feeling that I’m talking about. Now, neither any of those notions above falls into this good feeling. Neither it is about an achievement that wins, nor about to successfully understand an achievement that fails. The perspective that I’m putting here is simply about nothingness. Yes. The good feeling of nothingness. Have you ever came across that? I believe there are.
Exactly, at this point of time, I’m having so many problems in mind, so many aches in my heart, so many handicaps in my physique, yet I have completed only little duties that I’m accountable for and yet, and YET, I stole some of the last bits of my sister’s mango sorbet which is swish-swashing over my tongue right now, and I stole some coke of my brother’s to scrub the melting remains off down the throat. Yummy? Yeah but no. It wasn’t even about stealing some delight from the others (even though they’ll be happy if I do so). I feel that it is a kind of blissful moment of experiencing an escape into emptiness. A point where your mind is clear and empty, your heart is contented yet empty, your physique is obedient and in stillness, and your consciousness feels light (I’m typing this through my subconsciousness), your eyes are roving around in empty spaces (I’m using my subconscious to control my eyes and fingers to type this), you move as if you’re floating, and all you wanna do is just being quiet. This is about enjoying a space between you and yourself. The space where breathing is allowed to breathe for itself. It is a moment where your mind can take a flight into any negative or positive thoughts, or wonder through any ideas about this world, and came back quiet, unaffected, neutralized and sleep. Peace.
Oh. Is this a syndrome of complacency? Uh oh. Or is it simply the art of laziness. Yet, I don’t think so. There are some terms in Arabic that may probably well suited to this conditions. One is called “saktah” and the other is called “tuma’ninah”. The “saktah” means a moment of pause, a a moment of time freeze. While “tuma’ninah” means a state of serenity or calmness. While these terms are conditions or state of attainment which usually occurs in acts of prayers and supplications, I don’t see why it should not occur in any point of human disciplines and activities. In fact, I feel it should, and I feel that it is a good and healthy necessity. Everyday, the earth is going through this state. Where during the day, trees will grow, nourished by the sun and rain, at night, they will rest. Even the sun, when its job is to distribute energy to earth, after a certain cycle of period, an eclipse will give it a moment of pause. And then when the nature of water is to keep flowing to wherever it goes, a certain space and form will put it at rest and being still. Even computers need to shutdown to rest. So this “saktah” and “tuma’ninah”, is a state of pause, a state of rest, a moment of settling into calmness. While humans being humans, thinking that they are resting after a good meal, or they are resting while getting some good sleep, I’m afraid that is a misunderstanding of your own body. While you think that you’re resting, your body is working hard to recover and repairing, rebuilding, resupplying all the necessities that you’ve been replenishing yourself. While you think that sleeping will put you to rest from your emotional turmoils or mental troubles, actually, you still leave your brain to deal with it. Then when do you actually rest?
If you think that going for a holiday is a good rest from your daily responsibilities, that is for your physique, and simply to entertain your emotional and mental desires. But your whole system will still not be at rest. So like wise, you have to create a holiday for your own body. Means that you have to create a destination, to create a space, for your body to rest. And what is the understanding of this space or destination where your whole body can travel to rest?
The moment we were born, that’s when the moment where every single bit of us starts working. Yes, right the very moment when we were in our mother’s womb. Our mother’s womb, began with emptiness. Then it was filled with a fetus that grew to become us. Only after we are fully born and detached, only then our mother’s womb will be empty again. Only then, our mother’s womb will be at rest. Empty. Full. Detach. Empty. That’s the destination. From emptiness to emptiness.
The state of rest begins after you’ve really rested. After your duties have been fulfilled (not all), after you’ve discovered some solutions to your problems (despite plenty hanging), after you have served your love ones well (not necessarily well, but substantially and responsibly), after you have eaten and done some exercises (and your body is physically nourished), after some good sleep (flatten those eye bags and manage your thinking problems in place), after you have exercises your senses well (fair deal of sight, hear, smell, taste and touch), only then you can start to really rest by detaching all that and go towards a space called emptiness. And this space is where not even a single thing above will follow you. You have to leave them behind. You have to detach every tiny little thoughts, emotions, desires, feelings, ideas, and senses until you feel that you do not know what they are, and you do not know what to do with them. Only then you’re moving into emptiness. Where all is left is just your true and only soul.
So spend a good deal of time with your soul. Emptiness is the world where your soul reigns. Not in this material world of representations.
Mango sorbet and coke? It’s just something to distract myself from being too attached to what made of myself. But then, I’m actually not here. I’m really resting in sleep right now.